How Do I Choose a Guardian for my Children?

Choosing the person who will care for your children if you are gone—the guardian—can be overwhelming. But, as a parent, the decision is crucial. Below, we help you through the process.

Choosing a guardian can be one of the most important and challenging decisions that a parent will make. Such a decision can seem impossible. It requires facing your own mortality, a recognition that none of us is guaranteed any amount of time, and considering what your children’s lives would be like if you were not able to raise them.

While the choice of a guardian can be difficult, approaching the process systematically can help you determine the best choice for your family, whether you are struggling to find a good option or choosing among many loved ones. As you approach the decision of who would serve as guardian of your children, there are a number of factors that you should carefully consider:

1.       Relationship With Your Children

Does the individual you are considering have a relationship with your children? Would your children be comfortable with this guardian? Ideally, the guardian should know your children well and your children should know the guardian as well. An existing relationship between the guardian and your children could ease the transition in the event that a legal guardian of your children was required

2.       Values

Does the person share your values? Would the guardian instill your values in your children?  For many parents, a shared set of values is the most important factor in determining who should serve as guardian. Ideally, the individual you choose as guardian should share those values that you hold most dear, whatever those values may be. Further, the ideal guardian would also be willing and able to instill those values in your children as they grow up.

3.       Family Situation and Age

Is the person you’re considering as guardian able to take on the responsibility of caring for your children? There are a number of considerations that can help you answer this questions including the age of the guardian and your children, the number of children already in the potential guardian’s household, the guardian’s available time, and the guardian’s parenting experience. Some of these considerations can weigh both for and against a particular guardian. For example, someone who is a bit older may have the experience to better care for your children, but may also raise concerns about them becoming ill or passing away before your children are grown. Likewise, already having children may be a benefit since such a guardian has parenting experience, but may also mean that person would be more challenged by taking on additional responsibility. These considerations highlight how personal a guardianship decision can be and how dependent it will be on the particular circumstances of your family.

4.       Proximity

Does the person you are considering live in an area where you would want your children raised? If not, would you be okay with your children moving to the city where the guardian lives? Or, do you have a potential guardian who may be willing to relocate to your city so that your children would not need to move? These considerations can help you choose between potential guardians.

While making the choice of who would care for your children if you passed away is a difficult one, it is critical that you do so. Failing to take the time to name a guardian for your children could result in disagreements among your family members after your passing, further adding to the trauma your children would experience as a result of losing their parents. Take time to consider your guardianship decision carefully. Planning now can ensure that your children are raised in the way you would like and that they are lovingly cared for after you are gone.